Why is Breastfeeding So Difficult?

Kristina Frazier — Fri, 06 Jul 2018 19:53:04 +0000

Maybe you’re a new or soon-to-be mama and are looking for breastfeeding prep, or maybe you’re in the trenches of postpartum life and need a hand of solidarity. Maybe you’re an adoptive mama who is looking to induce lactation. Whatever your situation, nursing a baby isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It is WORK.

When you think of difficulties moms may experience during breastfeeding, I have had them all. Mastitis? Check. Thrush? Too many times to count. Raynaud’s in my nipples? Yep. Lip and tongue ties? 3/3 babies have had those too. Bleeding, cracking, pinching? All of the above. Clogged ducts that felt like someone had injected 57 marbles into my breast? Of course. Milk blisters where I had to use my toothbrush for something I would have never expected? Just par for the course.

Nursing is hard work. You and baby, although having lived together for over 9 months, need to learn how to do it together. It is not always a supernatural, “my body knows exactly what to do”, thing. There are particular holds that can help baby latch – I could never quite get that football hold down to where I didn’t feel like I was doing some really strange tricep workout. And, you have to feed them every 2-3 hours until they get back to birth weight. That means WAKING A BABY to eat. Don’t they say to never wake a baby? And that’s all while you’re recovering postpartum and beyond exhausted.

And boy is there a varying degree of qualification and skill when it comes to a lactation consultant. Please, learn it here so you don’t have to learn it when you’re crying into your coconut oil stained breast pads: you want to find a consultant with lots of letters after their name. You’re specifically looking for the IBCLC ones. If you find someone with a nice personality but they’re missing the first three letters, just move on. That IBC means a world of difference. I’ve had multiple LC’s tell me my babies did not have tongue or lip ties, that I just needed to pump instead of nurse right now, and that the excruciating pain I was experiencing was probably caused by the Snickers bar on my nightstand. None of those things were true, and it wasn’t until I hired a private IBCLC did I learn what I actually needed to do to better our breastfeeding relationship. Finding an IBCLC who is skilled at recognizing and locating oral tethering in babies is also a plus.

Figuring out which pump to buy, or which bottles to get, which pillow you like best (Boppy, Breastfriend, or none?), learning which size flange you need, to shield or not, etc… it can all be so overwhelming. But, finding help right away can make the biggest difference. Don’t wait until you’re screaming in pain at two in the morning. Find connections early on. Take a class. Have business cards at the ready. Talk to your partner about what kind of support you want from them. Don’t take this for granted. You have to work for it, but it will be worth it.

When we adopted our son, I decided that I wanted to sacrifice for him the same way I had sacrificed for the others. But, he was three, developmentally delayed, cleft affected, and had no idea what a mother was. So, what was I to do? In the orphanage was a huge poster about “breast is best”, which I found ironic since these children didn’t have mothers or wet-nurses. So, I pumped. I pumped for his tiny, parasite-ridden, malnourished body. I collected donated milk from other moms who sacrificed for him, too. So, even when you can’t breastfeed your child, you still ask yourself, “Why is breastfeeding so difficult?”

Before I had my first child, I was always in the “I am not breastfeeding” camp. I just didn’t want to. It seemed awkward to my overly modest mind, and I didn’t want to have to deal with “all that”, whatever that meant to pre-baby me. But, when I became pregnant with my daughter, my views changed. I then wanted to give it a go, but only until 6 months. I couldn’t imagine nursing a baby WITH MY NIPPLES longer than that. That just seemed ludicrous. But, then she was 6 months old and I couldn’t imagine stopping. Though it was harder than I could have ever dreamed of, we had made it, and I didn’t have an end goal in sight anymore. Now, as I sit here nursing my third baby as I type this, I could never imagine not choosing this.

The post Why is Breastfeeding So Difficult? appeared first on Adoption Breastfeeding an Adopted Baby for Adoptive Mothers.

4 Things You Absolutely Need When Breastfeeding

Lita Jordan — Mon, 02 Jul 2018 21:54:07 +0000

Breastfeeding a child you adopted is an amazing feat. It takes incredible dedication and willpower to succeed. The gift you are giving your child and the bond you will build will be priceless. Once you are able to breastfeed, it will take continued dedication to continue breastfeeding and build up your supply. Here are a few things you will absolutely need when breastfeeding and why it is so important to maintain a healthy view of the process.

Hydration

Many would think this would be a no-brainer. Hydration is key to successful breastfeeding for so many reasons. Breastfeeding will require you to be more hydrated than you may have ever been before. Hydration not only increases your milk supply, but it helps to keep the supply steady. Staying hydrated keeps you healthy and keeps your body functioning the way it should. While you may be tempted in those early days to hydrate with coffee, it is best to stick with water, water with lemon, and drinks like Gatorade that will replenish electrolytes.

Patience

Breastfeeding does not come easy. This is especially true when an adoptive parent has had to use supplements in order to build up the ability to breastfeed their child. Not only will this take time, but breastfeeding is not always possible. It will take time for you and your child to get in sync as well, just as it would in a biological situation. Stay patient and be accepting of the fact that it will take time. It is hard for any new mom to not feel like they are failing when breastfeeding does not go exactly as planned. Take a deep breath. Allow yourself and your child the time to get a handle on things. Know that you are not a failure if breastfeeding does not work out.

Support

Breastfeeding is a very intimate action and can help with the bonding process tremendously. However, whether a child is adopted or biological, breastfeeding does not always come easy. Even when it is easy, it is a much smoother process when you have a support system to help you along the way. When I breastfed my eldest biological son, he took to breastfeeding right away. My supply seemed good, but I was terrified as a new mom that he was not getting enough. I was able to reach out to a lactation consultant who gave me signs to look for in regards to dehydration to assure me he was getting enough nourishment. I also had a great friend who made herself available to me 24/7 in case I had questions or concerns. Having that support was invaluable. You can also find fantastic support at the “Breastfeeding the Adopted Child” forum at Adoption.com. The more support, the better.

Reassurance

I had planned to breastfeed my son for 6 months. I was determined to make it work. He latched immediately and we were off to a great start. Breastfeeding came easy and my supply came abundantly. Unfortunately, I also experienced emotions I never knew I would feel. Each time I breastfed, instead of feeling the bonding emotions most women talk about, I felt intense dread, anxiety, and depression. I later discovered that I had a condition known as D-Mer that causes depression when breastfeeding. While I tried to power through it, I had to stop breastfeeding at just 6 weeks. While I felt stable emotionally, I also felt like a failure. But I wasn’t alone; one of my close friends had to stop breastfeeding at 8 weeks due to her milk supply drying up. I hear from countless women who feel like failures as their plan to breastfeed their adopted child did not work. Having to feed your baby formula for any reason is not a failure. The key here is that you tried and that your baby is fed. Most moms are giving their all and want to do anything they can for their child. Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience, but it is vital to remember that it is not what makes or breaks you as an amazing mom.